So Weird.


 This is the account of the weirdest day ever, events fit for fiction, for a sit-com, because we all know things like this don’t happen in real life. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. You decide what’s real and fake.

Scene 1

Amy and Renee find a parking spot not too far away, cross the street, and enter the bar. It’s fairly empty on a Sunday night. Amy spots a friend waiting at the bar and winds through the maze of seats to get to him.

Amy: Sorry we’re late.

Joe: No worries, I got a drink while I was waiting.

Renee places her order as Amy flags down another friend at the door. 

Bartender: What for you?

Amy: I don’t know yet… (thrusts menu into Jack’s hands) what am I having?

Jack: She’ll have a girly beer.

After Jack orders his drink, Amy’s three friends introduce themselves, having never met before.

Scene 2

The foursome leaves the empty bar and enters the bustling portion of the building. Music from a hometown band washes over the talkative crowd from a second story stage. 

Jack: Over there.

The foursome makes a beeline toward the only open table in the room. Casual conversation ensues. It’s Amy’s first time at this bar, so she scans the room taking in the scene. The three carry on talking when Amy sees something and starts muttering.

Amy: No way… it can’t be. Sure enough, it can be. Recognition lights up in Amy’s eyes as she sees someone she knows at a nearby table. She scans the other people at the table, searching. No, nope… can’t see. She cranes her neck to see past  the person she first noticed at the table. Close up: tattoo peeking out from under a white shirt sleeve, a sliver of that scruffy face she knew so well. Amy abruptly turns back to her own table, but does a quick double take backward. No doubt.

Amy: Renee. (slams hand on the menu Renee is reading, interrupting whatever conversation taking place) Renee! 

Renee: What?!

Amy: Look. The table over there (without really indicating where).

Renee: Where?

Amy: Back there. Guess who?

Renee: Where? (looks around flustered)

Amy: Matt. (Just that one syllable is needed. Renee gasps, zeroing in on the targeted table). What are the odds? (Amy sits back in her chair, letting the guys in on the dialogue). My ex-boyfriend, who lives an hour away, is sitting at the table behind us. (Amy keeps glancing backward, wondering if the man at that table has realized she’s there).

Joe: You know, we could all just yell his name really loudly and get this over with…?

Renee: That could work.

Amy: Or not. Perhaps just the creepy stare technique. (which ends up working. Matt glances Amy’s way, a friendly smile, then the realization washes over his face and turns to confusion. Matt looks around the table and lands on Renee). 

At this point, nonverbal communication takes over between them, in the form of pointing back and forth and arms held out in the universal what the heck is going on position. That escalates quickly to Matt indicating Renee is crazy, and Renee shooting Matt with an invisible shotgun. 

Amy: What is going on? Guys, I’m so sorry. This is weird. (She glances back to see Matt slipping off his bar stool, heading her way.)

Matt: What are the chances? I’m Matt.

Jack: Jack.

Matt: So are you just in town for the weekend?

Amy: Yeah, I had a wedding to go to on Saturday.

Matt: (looks at the two guys at the table, then over to Renee) What happened to Bob?

Amy: (screws up her face in response)  I don’t really know. Long story. Anyway, how’s life?

Matt: Good, good. I’m actually moving. I’ll be closer to work. Just put my security deposit down.

Amy: Will you be happier in this new place?

Matt: That’s to be seen. I just need to find some good community. (he crosses around the table, talking with Renee. Matt’s friend Harry steps into the conversation with Amy. Meanwhile, guys at the table sit in awkward silence).

Harry: It’s so crazy that you’re here. How’re things going with your new job?

Amy: Things are going great. I love what I do. How are things back home?

Harry: Keeping busy with work. My brother’s actually moving here. That’s why we’re in town. We’re gonna head over to a different bar. (With an awkward long-distance wave, Matt steps away from the table and leaves with Harry. The girls dissolve into a hysteric , unintelligible conversation where the only distinguishable words are “what just happened” and “that was so weird”)

Joe: What’s really funny is the look I was getting from the couple across the room.

Amy: Wait. What?

Joe: That guy clearly thought it was funny that the two girls at our table were turned talking to two other guys.

Renee: Oh, I’ve seen that happen to people before on a date. So awkward.

Joe: Yeah, I had a friend whose date actually left and he didn’t know it. He got up and looked around, then came back and sat down. She was nowhere to be found. (fades to black during laughter).

Scene 3

Amy, Joe, and Jack stand outside the bar, waiting for Renee. 

Amy: I’m sorry tonight was so weird.

Joe: Haha, no worries. It happens. (Renee exits the bar)

Jack: Which way are you?

Amy, Renee, Joe: This way.

Jack: Ok, I’m that way. It was nice to meet you Renee. (shakes hand) It was nice to see you again. (hugs Amy and walks away. The three walk a block and then Joe heads off toward his car. 

Scene 4

Close up of the two girls in Amy’s car. 

Renee: That was so weird, right?

Amy: So weird.

Renee: ugh.

Amy: tell me about it. ugh. (She throws the car in Park in her driveway. The two sit there reveling in the awkwardness of the night). I mean, really. How does that happen.

Renee: I don’t know. I’m still in shock. So weird. (A cat pounces onto the hood of the car and stares at Amy. She’s startled and grabs the steering wheel. Renee looks over and squeals in surprise). What on earth? There’s a cat?! (the cat jumps down to the pavement and stands by the driver side door, staring up at Amy).

Amy: The cat is staring at me. It doesn’t have a tail. What on earth?!

Renee: Is it still there? It’s staring at you? (she climbs over Amy’s seat to look out the window) Ahhh! It doesn’t have a tail! It is staring at you! (she settles back into her own seat) That’s so weird. Is it still staring at you? (before waiting for a response she climbs back over Amy and shrieks) It is! Why?! (The girls laugh uncontrollably. Amy opens her door to leave, trying to shoo the cat away. It lets out a ridiculously sinister meow. Renee exits the other side) Was that you?

Amy: Nope, it was the cat.

Renee: So weird! (she runs at the cat yelling. It stands perfectly still and stares at her.) Why isn’t it running? That’s so creepy. Ugh. Ok, I have to go.

Amy: I’m so glad you were there tonight.

Renee: Me too. I’m going to vomit. That was so weird. I’m going to get in my car and just scream.

Amy: Me too. (the girls hug) I love you.

Renee: I love you too. (Renee starts walking to her car. The tailless cat chases runs after her. Renee squeals and runs to Amy who’s heading toward the house.) Save me! Why did it run after me? (she huddles behind Amy, wrapping her arms around her legs. Amy doubles over in laughter.) It chased me!!

Amy: I know! I saw it. That… (in between laughs) was… the funniest… thing… ever.

Renee: It chased me!

Amy: I know! I’ll protect you. I’ll walk you all the way to the car. The tailless cat won’t hurt you. (Amy chuckles and walks with Renee to the end of the driveway.)

Renee: (from her car) That was the weirdest night ever. Thanks! 

Amy: Any time!


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