Vending Machine

“I wanna buy a new heart out of a vending machine.”

–Bonnie McKee

Wouldn’t that be nice? Forget about your heartaches, just slip a few coins in, punch in the numbers and select a new heart. Be whole again. No missing pieces, nothing given away. Start anew.

Some days that really does sound good. I wouldn’t compare other faces to yours, or think I see yours in a crowd. I wouldn’t recall the movies we watched or the jokes we laughed at together. Nope, I could start fresh.

If you could get a heart from a vending machine, there would have to be a selection. A4-Impressionable, B1-Falls-for-anyone, C8-Ready-for-love,  D6-Cautious, and the ever popular E2-hard. If you could buy a new heart, would there be any need for a hard heart? Sure, you were hurt, but the new heart doesn’t know that. Take your chances and try again. What do you have to lose? You could just start over again anyway.

But that’s not how it works. Of this, I am grateful.

We experience pain and loss. We have to push through and overcome the feelings. The pain of loss only proves all there is to gain. I know how much I’ve invested and how much it hurts to lose, but I’m more willing to put in the effort because I know there’s something so much greater in store.

Somewhere, somehow, someone. 

There’s a lot of shaping being done in my life now. The pain is part of it. It’s part of me, molding me into something new. But not vending machine new, not foreign. New, improved, built upon, revised Me. I’m being shaped, refined, directed down a new path. Who would I be if I didn’t carry those experiences with me? If I just tossed them in the trash and ordered a new heart? Not me. I’m grateful for what life has brought me through. I’m better for it. 

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